came across this somewhere.. Just read and have fun if you can, No offense intended!
Iyengar Boy - “Mom, I've decided to get married."
The Seshadhris were only too ecstatic to here these words pop out oftheir elder son's mouth, yet afraid at the same time. After all, theirson did study in the United States for 3 years. And from what theyheard from their neighbors, the States "do things" to perfectly normalsons. What if he wanted to marry a white girl? The blasphemy! Howwould they ever explain to their relatives?
"Indian no?” Mrs. Seshadhri asked, nervously.
"Iyengar.... ""Oh thank god! Chamathu da nee. We'll see the girl tomorrow! And I'llhave to call all our relatives to inform them. Ha! First I'll callyour aththai. Her son went to the states and ended up with one ofthose...Punjabi a? Ya, Punjabi-o ennavo. But my son? Chamatha Iyengarponnu paathutaan."
"Amma..."
"What? I know I'm getting excited but it’s not everyday your son getsmarried! First ponn paakanum. Give me her address."
"I can't give the girl's address."
"Why not? “interrupted Mr.Seshadhri. "Is it because they don't knowIt’s okay, we'll convince them"
"No, it’s because there is no girl"
"Ennada solrey?" chorused the parents.
"I am in love with an Iyengar, yes. But it’s not a girl. It’s a boy"
Silence.
"Is this some kind of TV show? Is some shanniyan going to come with acamera and say all this is some joke? I know! Vijay TV-la Simbhu is doing something like this. He's going to come now, isn't he?"
"No mom, nobody's behind your almirah. This is real. I want to get married to him and him only"
"This is not normal, you know that?"
"Appa, who're you to say that it's not normal? How do you know that it isn't normal? I want to get married to him and that's the end of it"and he stormed out of the room.
The Seshadhris were appalled, and did what any other parents woul dowhen presented with such a private confession. They called the entirefamily over to discuss it.Mamas, Mamis, Thathas, Paatis, Chithappas, Chiththis, Aththais,Athimbers, Perippas, Perimmas and a motley crew of cousins promptlyassembled to exchange their views over filter coffee and masalavadais.
"Enna kodumai Seshadri idhu"
"This is not the time to joke; it’s a very serious issue pa. Nammacommunity-la this is just not done"
"Are you sure about this? I mean was he joking?"
"Will anybody joke about things like this? Avan serious-a dhaan irukaan.He's gay."
"Amma Amma, what's a gay?" interrupted 6 year old Achu, loudly.
Silence. "Sshhh, Achu. Go play outside with Kichu." said his visibly embarrassedmother.
Achu promptly ran outside hollering KICHU! GAY-NA BAD WORD DA!
"Kids"
"Yea. I'm hoping he gets a girlfriend soon."
"Shree, he's 6"
"The earlier the better. An I'm so not sending him to the US"
"Not everyone turns out like that. My son married a perfectly nicegirl. Enna, she's Punjabi. But very nice girl."
"You know she has a beard, right?"
"Oh please! At least she's a girl."
"Enough enough. This is not about her daughter-in- law's beard. Idhukonjam serious-aana matter."
"Yes yes. There are so many fundamental complications Like if thismarriage does go on, who gets to be the Maapla veedu?"
"Chechu make it clear to them that we will be the groom's house. Wewill demand our rights"
"Hey, who gets to tie the thaali?"
"Will there even be a thaali?"
"Maybe they'll tie a golden poonal around him"
"One more doubt. The girl usually sits on her father lap when they tiethe thaali. Does this mean that the son sits on his mothers lap? Howdoes that work exactly?"
"Yea! And then usually the girl wears that special koora-podavaibefore she ties th knot. Do we have to get this guy a koora-veshti? "
"Atleast you'll save on all those silk saris."
"And that Mehndi thing. Unless your son wants it, of course"
"Hahahaha! Thats so g...nothing"
An uncomfortable silence followed, but was swiftly interrupted by thePeriappa.
"Come to think of it, that golden poonal will weigh a lot"
"Does your future...err son-in-law cook?"
"Aiyo! Don't call him son-in-law! I don't even want this to happen!"
"Maybe you should do that. Vidaatha. Then he'll come around"
"No way, then he'd elope. Odi poyiduvaan!"
"Thats not good for the family name."
"Thu! As if marrying a boy is very honorable."
"And besides, eloping-na, usually the girl runs away, gets a baby andthen only gets accepted back in the household. This is how it is inall Tamil padams"
"Ok, but how the heck is these guys going to get a baby?"
"My point exactly, so they won' elope"
"Which is worse. What if they get together like those villains inVettaiyaadu Villaiyaadu? "
"Aiyo! That's a movie about homosexual psychopaths! You're son is toosensitive for that. He cried in the climax of Kabhi Khushi Kahi Gham,for heaven's sake!"
"Approve we should have noticed..."
"You think there's some kind of homeopathy treatment for this? OrAyurveda? Some kashayam or something?"
"No no, its a state of mind. No kashayam can cure it"
"Or should we send him to a psychiatrist? "
"Illa. Those psychiatrists are Peter parties. They'll end upbrainwashing us about how we are educated and must accept him the wayhe is"
"Adhaan pannanum" said Mr.Seshadhri, finally.The entire household went mute.
"You mean...we have to get him married? To that...that boy?"
"Yes"
"Only then, he'll be happy."
"Aiyo sentiment thaangamudila"
"My decision is final. I'll go cal him and find that other boy'snumber. I have plenty to talk to his parents."
The household watched him go with a rather stern resolve in absolute silence. The only sound was the jowku-jowku of Paati eating Vadai.
"Enna paati? What do you think?" said one of the cousins, finallybreaking yet another uncomfortable silence.
"Ennadhaan payyana love pannaalum, atleast Iyengar payyana paathu lovepannane, adhuve porum"!!!
